Some Laughs!

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.

"It sure is", I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

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At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I who had been.

The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."

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I don't understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was, you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would arrive at its destination in two days. Now you put a thirty-seven-cent stamp on a letter and it can take four to five weeks to arrive. Still only a penny a day!

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While getting dressed one morning, I decided I'd been spending too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my makeup mirror to see what time it was.

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Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general "go-fer" at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach", he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

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As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"

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An attractive young woman was waiting at a crowded city bus stop. She was decked out in a rather tight skirt with match- ing boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up, and it became her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was too tight to allow her to make the first step on the bus.

So, slightly embarrassed, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to get her leg up to the first step. Again she tried but the skirt was still too tight.

Even more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. For a second time she at- tempted the step, and once again just couldn't get her foot that high.

It was just as she was reaching behind her a third time that this big Texan right behind her picked her up from the waist and placed her lightly on the step.

Well, she was not happy to be man-handled and turned on the would-be hero, "You have no right to touch me, mister! I don't even know you!"

At this the Texan drawled: "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my pants three times, I kind a figured that we was friends."

;o) teehee