Actual Newspaper Headlines

(...we can only assume!)

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Farmer Bill Dies in House
5. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
6. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
7. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
8. Eye Drops off Shelf
9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
10. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
11. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
18. War Dims Hope for Peace
19. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
20. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
21. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
22. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
23. Deer Kill 17,000
24. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
25. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
26. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
27. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
28. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
29. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
30. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
31. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
32. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
33. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
34. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves