THE ART OF LETTING GO - Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way.
They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you.
And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you.
It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it.

Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.
So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.

Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.
In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.

For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that.

After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.

Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch.

With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad."

As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment.

After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?

Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.

After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.

The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened.

Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.

Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd.

That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehaviour.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours.

It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

Action:

Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me?

Am I happier holding on to it?

Do I sleep better?

Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.

Actually decide to let it go.

Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it. Period!

Bush Batter!

Somebody mailed me this link sometime back and ever since I have been addicted to it. Whoever created it, which I guess is a guy named Dan from whose site it comes, must really hate George and this I say is the best way anybody who hates the guy can take their frustrations out.

Check it out.
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

Just drag the guy around and drop him and do whatever you want.
I warn you though. It’s quite scary how much you start enjoying this “torture game” ;)

Some Business Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"


At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be de-lighted."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"

Your Choices...

Here's a story about George Dantzig – the famed mathematician who's contributions to Operations Research and systems engineering have made him immortal.

As a college student, George studied very hard and often late into the night. So late, that he overslept one morning, arriving 20 minutes late for Prof. Neyman's class. He quickly copied the two maths problems on the board, assuming they were the homework assignment. It took him several days to work through the two problems, but finally he had a breakthrough and dropped the homework on Neyman's desk the next day.

Six weeks later, on a Sunday morning, George was awakened at 6 a.m. by his excited professor. Since George was late for class, he hadn't heard the professor announce that the two unsolvable equations on the board were mathematical  mind-teasers that even Einstein hadn't been able to answer. But George Dantzig, working without any thoughts of limitation, had solved not one, but two problems that had stumped mathematicians for thousands of years.

Simply put, George solved the problems because he didn't know he couldn't.

You are not limited to the life you now live. It has been accepted by you  as the best you can do at this moment. Any time you're ready to go beyond the limitations currently in your life, you're capable of doing that by choosing different thoughts. All you must do is figure out how you can do it, not whether or not you can. And once you have made your mind up to do it, it's amazing how your mind  begins to figure out how.

A person is limited only by the thoughts that he/she chooses.

I'm Not Having Sex Tonight!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me"

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed  department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"  I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.